Funestine and Other Adventures in Romancia Read online

  I would never finish if I listed all the species of fools he encountered—without, however, finding the one he wanted, for there was not one of them who did not think that he had intelligence. The fool, the woman and the frog were so rare that his search obliged him to go twice around the world, but in vain. He therefore lost hope of ever seeing his princess again. Remembering then what the good little woman had advised him to do, he thought that, following her advice, he ought to renounce life, since it no longer had any charms for him.

  Those reflections led him to the bank of a river. The opportunity was too good to miss; he threw himself in, resolved to end his days, the woes of which rendered them insupportable to him.

  Instead of drowning, however, as he had the design to do, he found himself falling gently. A moment later he found himself on a lawn in the middle of a beautiful garden. He thought at first that it was the illusion of a dream, but, seeing thereafter that he was not asleep, he stood up to see if he could discover anyone in this unknown region.

  He walked for a long time in the solitary place; finally, he heard the sound of hunting horns and dogs. A moment later he saw the hunters appear. No surprise ever equaled his; the hunters in question were as many huge frogs mounted on green cats, which were running after a hare; some were dressed as amazons; others had taffeta robes with little bonnets garnished with flowers and feathers; some of them were sounding horns, others shouting to call the dogs. In sum, it was the funniest thing in the world.

  The hunt came to a halt at the sight of the prince, and the frogs dismounted from their cats in order to come toward him; they only walked on two feet, making use of the others as we make use of our hands.

  When the troop was close to him the one who appeared to be the mistress of all the others, who was wearing a long crimson robe embroidered with pearls and diamonds and whose forehead bore a mark so brilliant that the eyes could not sustain the glare, saluted him with a great deal of grace and said to him:

  “Be welcome, Sire; we’ve been waiting for you for a long time; we’re enchanted, and it’s you who has to break our enchantment. I haven’t always been such as you see me; I was once the queen of this country and all the frogs following me were my subjects; I had an aversion so great to animals of this species that I gave orders for all those in my realm to be the victims of my disgust.

  “Nothing was neglected to carry out my orders, but one evening, while out walking, I found one near my apartment. I immediately called for help and ordered that it be put to death; but that was not done with enough diligence; it had time to hide so well that I could never find it again.

  “The next day, in the same place, I saw an ugly black woman appear before me who was holding a hazel wand in one hand and a phial full of oil in the other, which she poured over my head, saying to me: ‘I am the fay Grenouille, and it’s me that you wanted to put to death yesterday. Your orders have exposed me to death a hundred times, and it’s time I avenged myself. Become a frog in your turn, you and all your subjects who have obeyed you blindly. I want you to be in that state until a king who needs your help comes here to return you to your original form.’

  “Scarcely had she finished speaking than I was transformed as you see. A fay who protected me, but who was not knowledgeable enough in her art to return me to my original state, told me that that power was reserved to you alone; that you would have a white hair in the left eyebrow, of which a skillful magicienne had made you a present at the time of your birth, and that that hair would have the virtue of breaking all enchantments.

  “That fay is the one who brought you here; it was her, in the form of a bird, who made a present to Princess Aimée of the diamond that you saw her receive; finally, it was her who took care to give me this shining mark on my forehead, and who will enable you to find a man devoid of intelligence who is not unaware of it, and an ugly young woman who agrees that her ugliness is insupportable. She has brought those two persons here, for fear that the self-esteem that reigns in society might corrupt them, as it has done the rest of mortals, and destroy your hopes by that means.

  “You’ll find them in a cabin not far from here, but Prince, before going to see them, return us to our original form and suffer that we pluck out the famous hair, in order that you can make use of it in our favor. It will also be necessary for you to deliver your princess.”

  Sincere did not have to be begged; the hair was pulled out; he took it then and touched all the frogs with it, who immediately became very amiable princes and princesses. The queen and her subjects gave him many thanks. The second little woman that he had found in the wood appeared at the same time, and told him that, in order to recompense him for the service that he had just rendered her friend, she would transport him to where the beautiful Aimée was imprisoned, after he had paid a visit to the stupid man and the ugly woman, who would make him a present of a herb that he would need in future.

  He went there in haste, found them as he wished, and received the mysterious herb from them. After quitting them, the good woman picked an apple and changed it into a pretty carriage, which traveled a hundred leagues a minute of its own accord. She climbed aboard with the prince, who found the vehicle charming, but it did not go quickly enough for a lover impatient to see his mistress again. They arrived nevertheless in a very short time at the foot of the tower in which the beautiful Aimée was imprisoned.

  Every day the fay gave her tasks that were equally impossible to execute, with the design of having a pretext for tormenting her. I said when she was locked in the prison for the first time that Farouche ordered her to teach a quantity of snails to dance, which were then in a low room, but I did not say how the princess succeeded in such a difficult commission. I shall instruct those who have a desire to know.

  At first she only thought about weeping, for seven entire days, without taking the trouble to teach the pupils confided to her, and on the eight day, which was the one on which the fay was due to see her again and to change her into a snail if she had not yet succeeded, she was afflicted again; however, she wanted to try to give the animals a few lessons. She soon saw that she was wasting her time, and, convinced that her misfortune had no resource, she thought seriously about killing herself, for she would rather die than become a snail or marry the King of Butterflies.

  With that design she climbed up to the window, in order to throw herself out; but, by an infinite good fortune, she remembered the diamond that she had received from the bird and what the bird had said when it gave it to her. She took it out of her pocket and, while looking at it, said: “Beautiful diamond, if you have the virtue of getting me out of the danger I am in, do not leave me unfortunate and longer.”

  Scarcely had she pronounced those words than the gem opened and several dancing-masters emerged from it with violins, who made the snails line up, showed them all sorts of dances in an instant, and disappeared thereafter.

  That marvel gave great pleasure to the princess. She wiped away her tears, kissed her diamond with a transport of incredible joy and put it away more carefully than she had done before, for fear that Farouche might discover its value and take it away from her.

  The malevolent fay arrived a moment later, and asked her with a malign smile whether her pupils were very skillful.

  “You can judge for yourself, Madame,” said Aimée, in a soft and fearful voice, and opening the room where they were. She began to sing, and immediately, all the little animals danced, and danced so prettily, especially the bourrée, the allemande and the mariée, that Farouche was simultaneously surprised and furious.

  Annoyed that the poor princess had succeeded so well, she gave her other tasks that were even more difficult, but she always acquitted them by means of her diamond. That success made the fay so angry than she locked the princess in a large iron cage, and placed it in a courtyard full of ferocious carnivorous animals. She confided it to the guard of two horrible dragons, which made frightful efforts continually to break the cage and devour the princess.


  The unfortunate princess had been imprisoned thus for a month when she saw Sincere arrive. She shivered at seeing the danger to which her lover was about to be exposed.

  He had opened the door of the courtyard simply by touching it with his herb. He had no sooner seen his dear Aimée in such a cruel situation than he drew his sword in order to slay the dragons, but the good woman shouted to him to stop, and only to throw at them the herb he was holding in his hand. He did that, and the animals immediately fell at his feet, lifeless.

  Running to the cage, he touched it with the hair from his eyebrow, and at the same moment he felt himself, the princess and the good fay rise up into the air, where they were surrounded by a cloud, which carried them very rapidly to the Isle of Sincerity.

  The king was recognized by all is subjects and received with acclamations of joy that enabled him to see how much he was cherished. Delighted to find himself in company with his charming Aimée, he said the most passionate things in the world to her; she responded with a equal tenderness.

  He sent ambassadors to King Dévideur and the queen, his wife, in order to ask for the princess in marriage. They were not on the road for long. They learned that King Dévideur had killed himself with a pistol shot nearly a year ago because he had been unable to succeed in unwinding a tangle of silk that was extremely complicated; that the queen had died of smallpox six months ago, and that Aigremine had poisoned herself on the day she had seen her depart.

  That news afflicted Princess Aimée; she wore mourning for her parents for six months. At the end of that time she married King Sincere and sent a long sequence of years with him without experiencing the slightest chagrin.

  They loved one another tenderly all their lives. The good woman quit them in order to go and join her friend, Queen Brillante. The hair from the king’s eyebrow was mounted in a golden ring, which he always carried with him, to preserve him from the malice of the fays.

  TENDREBRUN AND CONSTANCE

  There was once a fay named Vicious. She made her abode on one of the highest mountains in the realm of Pentasila. The number of years had augmented both her ugliness and her malevolence. She was rarely seen to emerge from her castle; what was the point of tiring herself out unnecessarily? Her children, the Vices, served her at the whim of her desire, traveling the world and causing infinite disorder there. Kings and noblemen had been warned always to be on their guard against such monsters, but they had the secret of slipping into the most carefully sealed palaces. All doors opened at the mere sight of Flattery, their beloved sister. The great, especially, and the rich, allowed themselves to be drawn by her sweet insinuations, and Vicious’s children obeyed her everywhere.

  King Judicious was the only one who closed entry to his estates to them. It would be difficult to express how much he hated that numerous family. In spite of all his precautions, however, one of the little Lies was clever enough to penetrate all the way to his bedroom without being recognized, and lived there for a long time.

  One day, the king, who was in front of his mirror having his hair combed, took it into his head to ask his courtiers how old he appeared to be. They all replied with sincerity that he looked to be about forty-five—which was, in fact, the number of his years—but the Lie assured His Majesty that he had the appearance and freshness of a man of forty.

  At that speech the king looked at him attentively, recognized him as one of the Vices, and ordered that he be whipped and immediately expelled from the kingdom. Several noblemen spoke in his favor, but were unable to obtain clemency for him.

  “The child you can see,” the prince said to them, “is a monster to be feared a thousand times more than the cruelest beasts in my forests. He pleases and amuses you because he is small, but he will grow, and if I tolerate him he will soon introduce all his brothers here in spite of me. Let him leave promptly and let him be chastised as he merits.”

  Judicious was obeyed and the Lie, after having been punished, retired weeping to the home of the fay, to whom he related what had just happened to him. Vicious frowned, took him in her arms, kissed him twice on the forehead and, in order to console him, assured him that in future, he would be covered with such disgraces.

  She kept her word, but she swore by the green and blue bonnet that she wore that she would avenge herself on the king and all his race before the end of the day. As she spoke those words she uttered five frightful shrieks, leapt three times over an ardent ember that she kept in a heater full of fire, and spat on a spider-web that she found in a corner of her room; after which she touched the cobweb with her wand, which became a winged toad of monstrous size, wearing a green saddle embroidered with glow-worms

  The fay caressed the toad, gave it a cake made with milk, sugar, almonds and caterpillars, and, having told it to wait, went to sit down at her dressing-table; for she was extremely coquettish, although she was more than two thousand years old, and never went out without a great deal of rouge and beauty-spots. She put on a large quantity that day, and coiffed herself and dressed herself like a young woman. All that adornment certainly rendered her even more frightful than she was. Content nevertheless with her appearance, she imagined, like several old women of my acquaintance, that the attire in question prevented anyone from perceiving her wrinkles and her emaciation.

  Finally, Vicious mounted her toad, traversed the air with an incredible velocity, and in very little time rendered to the abode of King Judicious.

  That prince was in an arbor in his garden, sitting on a little throne of leaves that young Constance, his unique daughter, had taken care to ornament with different flowers. She was at his feet, leaning over the edge of a stream, which formed a sheet of water. She told the king several stories that she had made up in order to amuse him. Her narration was interrupted by a frightful clap of thunder, which almost made her faint, and which tipped Judicious off his throne. Overwhelmed by dolor at the sight of that fall, she tried, in spite of her lack of strength, to run to pick him up, but a frightful darkness spread instantly and prevented her from helping him.

  Rendered desperate by that new prodigy, Constance went in all directions, searching in the obscurity and calling out in a voice as sad as it was faint to the person to whom she owed the light of day. Several bursts of laughter that she heard stopped her tremulous steps; then the darkness dissipated and she perceived nearby an old woman, whom she took for one of the three Furies, so horrible did she appear.

  It was the malevolent Vicious, who, charmed by all the woes that she was commencing to make felt, was laughing with all her might. She ceased laughing, however, seeing that the young princess wanted to go away, in order no longer to see her, and to try again to find the king. She seized her by the arm and, touching her with her wand, said: “Don’t look for your father; he’s in my power. Only prepare yourself to suffer the torments that my hatred is getting ready.”

  With those words she took a pinch of red powder, which she threw into the air, pronouncing a few words, and immediately, a rain of fire fell that consumed the entire realm of the unfortunate Judicious.

  Turning then to Constance, she said: “You’ve just seen the fashion in which I’ve avenged myself on everything that belongs to you. Now I’m going to make you experience how I treat people who dare to displease me. Then she made her toad hop over the princess’s head. The animal let three drops of a black liquid fall, which immediately metamorphosed her into a crayfish. In that form she conserved the memory of what she had been, but she lost the use of speech. Then the fay tapped the ground with her wand and caused a frightful abyss to appear, into which she precipitated the unfortunate Constance.

  The princess fell for a week, with great rapidity, into that frightful gulf, of which she could not find the bottom. At the end of that time, she realized that she was in a pool, which appeared to her to be immense. She sensed that she was swimming there and living as if she had spent her entire life in that element. However, she did not eat anything, for fear of being caught by a fisherman’s hook. The small
est fish that she saw or heard made her tremble, because she imagined that it was some animal come to devour her.

  One evening, when the aquatic troop was sleeping tranquilly, Constance became bolder, and resolved, by courtesy of a beautiful moonlight, to go for a swim on the surface of the water. The first thing that was offered to her sight was a young man of about twenty-two lying under foliage that the brilliant night star illuminated perfectly. He appeared to be overwhelmed by sadness and ennui, and seemed quite indifferent to the officious cares that Zephyr was rendering him by blowing softly in the air and displacing slightly from his cheeks long thick curls of hair that were falling negligently over his shoulders. His reverie no longer permitted him to take any pleasure in the soft concerts of nightingales that were striving close by to make the echoes repeat their melodious sounds. In sum, nothing seemed capable of distracting his thoughts.

  The princess stopped in order to consider him, and found a thousand charms in him that obliged her to sigh several times, and made her sense more than she had done before the misfortune of being a crayfish. She swam nearby for a long time without him noticing her, but in the end, she made so many jumps in the water that he looked in her direction. She perceived that, but for the moment, the dread she had of being caught and put on the fire did not present her approaching him, in such a fashion that he could easily have caught her with his hand.